Shadows
5 March, 2008
There is a darkness seeping,
Through the weak sunlight,
Billowing up into the air,
Slowly enveloping me.
It makes me hate myself,
Detest everything I am,
Pick at my tingling skin
And crush my febrile soul.
I want to stab my face off,
Smash out my bleeding eyes,
Push glass through my palms,
And slowly crack my spine.
Ram my head into the wall,
Remove shards of my skull,
Tear at the brains that lie within
To cure my hated mind.
I want to gouge out my stomach
And rip out my pointless guts,
Drive my fingers into my thighs
And pierce my empty heart.
Every bone must be shattered,
My flesh must be dissolved,
My dirty blood must drain away.
All trace of life undone.
How I detest these feelings
That suffocate my mind.
But I find that I am powerless
To halt the sweeping flood.
Sometime I sit so calmly,
Hands placed on my lap,
While the storm rages on and on,
Tearing up my soul.
With every last ounce of strength,
I fight to keep in check
The tempting and seductive wish
To end my feeble life.
Why do the seeping shadows
Settle down on me?
I have all I ever wanted,
I am a better me.
Perhaps I’m being self-indulgent,
Cursed by the luxury
Of being just as I wish
And living as I please.
I dream I will be free one day,
Of the torment in my soul,
But I know the hated shadows
Will still seep into me.